Magic-less Magical Items

It Being April 1st, I wasn’t entirely sure what I’d post about today.

Of late I’ve been working on a cosmic scale game of Astrological Magic called Astrolomancer, getting additional artwork done for Mad Scientist: The Game, creating more street corners for What’s at this Intersection, considering breaking KORE and seeing where I can make it a more robust system, as well as considering other tracts to take in my almost nonexistent spare time.

Then, while perusing the RPG Blogger network I stumbled onto this April joke post at Dungeon’s Master.com entitled Magic Items that aren’t Magical. I suggest you go check out those fine works of magic-less magic too.

So, playing off the theme, I give you a trio+1 of  Magic-less Magical Items that, while not actually magical, provide benefit none-the-less.

Stone Orb
Frequency: Common… really, really common – more common outside than in, but hey you’re probably not far from one of these items right now.In fact, forget to bring your pizza money AGAIN, making the GM spot you this week will likely make some of these fall like Mana from the Heavens.
Drawback(s): Though the name may describe it as so, this item is not always an orb. In fact, orb-shaped Stone Orbs are quite less common than their non-orb-shaped cousins… go figure but whoever named this thing wasn’t a bit concerned with how it would be perceived.Warning: Though I used the phrase “Like Mana fom the Heavens” these objects are not to be eaten nor should you think such falling won’t also kill you… maybe next time you’ll bring some cash for the pizza.
Benefit(s) Provided: May be wielded as a weapon which can magically provide both melee and ranged attack, though not usually both at the same time.Alternately, some people claim this thing works perfectly as a pet. Consider providing one to that Ranger or Druid or Elf dude who keeps wanting a pet like some Pokemon or something (c.f. Pokemon.)
Blanket of Protection and Hiding
Frequency: Depends on your age and location but these items are likely a gift by fairy Godmothers and Guardian Angels (younger children with monsters in their closet and under their beds find them on their beds all the time but adults, who no longer believe in such things, seem to never be able to locate them.)
Drawback(s): Have you tried breathing under one of those things for an extended period of time?And what happens if someone under there also performs a bit of burrito-induced wild magic by casting something noxious like Stinking Cloud? (c.f. Stinking Cloud) Then this little protective device becomes a death trap! A death trap I tells ya!
Benefit(s) Provided: If employed by an adult, this magical item will only act as a Blanket of Warming (c.f. Blanket of Warming.)If the user is a child who is currently being harassed by monsters of either the Lurking-in-the-Closet (monstrous micro-roomus of clothesus and place to hide your toys when you don’t want to actually put them away… a-sus) or the Hiding-Under-the-Bed (monstrous sum-bed that doesn’t make itself but works well as a place to stuff my dirty laundry… a-sus) variety of fiend, this magical blanket will render the user invisible to monsters and impervious to all Oogity-Boogity magic and mischief up to and including the dreaded Send you screaming to Mom and Dad’s Room spell (c.f. Send you screaming to Mom and Dad’s Room spell.)
The Brimming Hat of Shielding
Frequency: Pretty common, though more so in sunny areas and during the Summer… I’ll bet they’re everywhere in Athas.
Benefit(s) Provided: The wearer of this magic hat will be shielded from the rays of the Sun so long as he or she is not the target of either a Gust of Wind spell (c.f. Gust of Wind spell) or the cantrip Flick your Brim (c.f. Flick your Brim cantrip.)
The Bottomless Glass of Iced-Tea
Frequency: Sure thing Hon, just ask Flo, she’ll set you up with one and a slice of pie… mmm… tasty pie. (c.f. Pie)
Drawback(s): Warning, this item may indeed be cursed. It has a side-effect of making one have to leave the table periodically.None! Not a single issue with this marvelous item at all.
Benefit(s) Provided: Buy it once per visit and you’re all set to drink the oceans dry. Seriously, nobody’s ever consumed enough iced-tea to get to the bottom of whatever bountiful or hellish Never-Empty Cauldron of Iced-Tea (c.f. Never-Empty Cauldron of Iced-Tea) that describes the nexus where all family diners must be erected.Bet those fools in Athas would love to trade some Brimming Hats of Shielding for some Bottomless Glasses of Iced-Tea… hmm…Ignore the warning and get my lawyers on the phone! Call Legal Zoom! I have a plan that can’t fail…

Kevin can’t come to the blog now, he’s either away training his army of pet rocks in Athas to go forth with offers to exchange Bottomless Glasses of Iced-Tea for all the Brimming Hats of Shielding they can muster in return… or he’s hiding under his Blanket of Protection and Hiding trying to keep the monsters away form his precious Goblinberry Jam… in either case, we’re probably safe from his inanity for at least an hour or so.

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