There’s been a lot of horror on this blog of late and I thought it time to counter the terrors with some comedy. In that light I submit a list made to make you laugh.
Disclaimer: This post made of 100% Total tongue in cheek. I am not, I repeat NOT, trying to annoy anyone with this post. I’m just having fun.
If you want to have fun with me today on this, after I get the ball rolling, feel free to jump in. Remember though, only a sentence and this is a family-friendly site.
B/X Dungeons & Dragons:
Kill them and take their stuff for nerds, geeks and dweebs version 1.0.
Advanced Dungeons & Dragons:
Advanced kill them and take their stuff because nerds, geeks and dweebs like a lot of rules.
2E Advanced Dungeons & Dragons:
TSR takes your stuff while killing your back as you lug all those sourcebooks to the game because apparently you’ll just keep buying anything they publish.
3E and 3.5E Dungeons & Dragons:
Killing them and taking their stuff in a crunchy, training wheels applied setting where obstacles are now challenge-rated for your safety.
4E Dungeons & Dragons:
I already labeled this one. Though I caught a lot of flack for it, I still stand by my opinion. Only now I’d add “with training wheels.”
Rifts:
Now that’s some crazy messed up $#&!
Warhammer:
Pffh, Rifts ain’t that crazy… now this is crazy done with style!
Travellar:
Where else can your character die before playing the game?
Call of Cthulhu:
Avoiding death while going hopelessly insane… for fun.
Delta Green:
Avoiding death while going hopelessly insane; the Will Smith / Tommy Lee Jones version.
Cyberpunk:
The uncool trying to avoid death with style while going hopelessly, and inhumanly chrome.
Top Secret:
All the cool spy stuff minus Bond equals meh.
James Bond 007:
You might be In Her Majesty’s Secret Service, but you’re no Bond and she’s not that easy.
Star Wars:
Because every guy wants to be Han and wants every girl to dress like Leia in a metal bikini.
X-Files:
Because every guy secretly wants to punch Mulder in the nose and return to the pilot where Dana takes her shirt… oh yea, family friendly.
Shadowrun:
Move your books, I need more room on the table for the dice.
Paranoia:
Because TPK shouldn’t just be a tool of the GM.
Vampire: The Masquerade:
Your girlfriend’s attempt to get you to game in the angst-laden, Gothic-inspired world of Anne Rice, only you’re still not Brad Pitt.
Werewolf: The Apocalypse:
Furries for those who want to include the angst of playing in a Gothic-inspired Anne Rice novel of Vampire: The Masquerade.
Mage: The Ascension:
Because your DM thinks Conan could kick Gandalf’s ass and he so totally won’t listen to reason… now with Gothic angsty elements to lure in the chicks!
Boot Hill:
Gaming in the romantic old west with nothing remotely romantic or western to weigh you down.
DC Heroes and Marvel Superheroes:
Because who wouldn’t want to re-live their childhood fantasies without the stigma of your friends seeing you running around in your underpants with a bedspread as a cape?
Earthdawn:
Post-apocalyptic D&D for those too lazy to create their own post-apoc setting with D&D rules.
GangBusters:
Because playing a mobster in the 80′s would lead to some jerk wanting to play a Yakuza.
Ravenloft:
The horror that results in blending the Gothic-inspired realms and tropes of an Anne Rice novel with the kill them and take their stuff mechanics and settings of D&D trying to pass itself off as horror in a module-turned-campaign setting attempt to bilk you out of more money in classic 2E AD&D fashion.
That’s a mouthful, but it’s still a single sentence – KO
Al-Qadim:
Let’s pretend you’re Alladin and I’m an all-powerful genie helping you save the kingdom from an evil sorcerer.
Spelljammer:
Because these Sci Fi games are cutting into TSR’s bottom line and they’ve proven you’ll buy anything they publish.
Dark Sun:
Because even Evil DMs need some help coming up with new and unique ways to TPK.*
Yep, I just used TPK as a verb. Deal with it or I’ll make some rocks fall. – KO
Exalted:
Seriously, stop trying to fool us and just admit that you bought it for the cover art!
Panty Explosion:
’nuff said.
Tags: Al-Qadim, Boot Hill, Call of Cthulhu, Cyberpunk, Dark Sun, DC Heroes, Delta Green, Dungeons and Dragons, Earthdawn, Exalted, game systems, GangBusters, James Bond, Mage, Marvel Superheroes, Paranoia, Ravenloft, Review, Rifts, rpg, Shadowrun, Spelljammer, Top Secret, Travellar, Vampire, Warhammer, Werewolf