There’s been a lot of horror on this blog of late and I thought it time to counter the terrors with some comedy. In that light I submit a list made to make you laugh.
Disclaimer: This post made of 100% Total tongue in cheek. I am not, I repeat NOT, trying to annoy anyone with this post. I’m just having fun.
If you want to have fun with me today on this, after I get the ball rolling, feel free to jump in. Remember though, only a sentence and this is a family-friendly site.
B/X Dungeons & Dragons:
Kill them and take their stuff for nerds, geeks and dweebs version 1.0.
Advanced Dungeons & Dragons:
Advanced kill them and take their stuff because nerds, geeks and dweebs like a lot of rules.
2E Advanced Dungeons & Dragons:
TSR takes your stuff while killing your back as you lug all those sourcebooks to the game because apparently you’ll just keep buying anything they publish.
3E and 3.5E Dungeons & Dragons:
Killing them and taking their stuff in a crunchy, training wheels applied setting where obstacles are now challenge-rated for your safety.
4E Dungeons & Dragons:
I already labeled this one. Though I caught a lot of flack for it, I still stand by my opinion. Only now I’d add “with training wheels.”
Rifts:
Now that’s some crazy messed up $#&!
Warhammer:
Pffh, Rifts ain’t that crazy… now this is crazy done with style!
Travellar:
Where else can your character die before playing the game?
Call of Cthulhu:
Avoiding death while going hopelessly insane… for fun.
Delta Green:
Avoiding death while going hopelessly insane; the Will Smith / Tommy Lee Jones version.
Cyberpunk:
The uncool trying to avoid death with style while going hopelessly, and inhumanly chrome.
Top Secret:
All the cool spy stuff minus Bond equals meh.
James Bond 007:
You might be In Her Majesty’s Secret Service, but you’re no Bond and she’s not that easy.
Star Wars:
Because every guy wants to be Han and wants every girl to dress like Leia in a metal bikini.
X-Files:
Because every guy secretly wants to punch Mulder in the nose and return to the pilot where Dana takes her shirt… oh yea, family friendly.
Shadowrun:
Move your books, I need more room on the table for the dice.
Paranoia:
Because TPK shouldn’t just be a tool of the GM.
Vampire: The Masquerade:
Your girlfriend’s attempt to get you to game in the angst-laden, Gothic-inspired world of Anne Rice, only you’re still not Brad Pitt.
Werewolf: The Apocalypse:
Furries for those who want to include the angst of playing in a Gothic-inspired Anne Rice novel of Vampire: The Masquerade.
Mage: The Ascension:
Because your DM thinks Conan could kick Gandalf’s ass and he so totally won’t listen to reason… now with Gothic angsty elements to lure in the chicks!
Boot Hill:
Gaming in the romantic old west with nothing remotely romantic or western to weigh you down.
DC Heroes and Marvel Superheroes:
Because who wouldn’t want to re-live their childhood fantasies without the stigma of your friends seeing you running around in your underpants with a bedspread as a cape?
Earthdawn:
Post-apocalyptic D&D for those too lazy to create their own post-apoc setting with D&D rules.
GangBusters:
Because playing a mobster in the 80′s would lead to some jerk wanting to play a Yakuza.
Ravenloft:
The horror that results in blending the Gothic-inspired realms and tropes of an Anne Rice novel with the kill them and take their stuff mechanics and settings of D&D trying to pass itself off as horror in a module-turned-campaign setting attempt to bilk you out of more money in classic 2E AD&D fashion.
That’s a mouthful, but it’s still a single sentence – KO
Al-Qadim:
Let’s pretend you’re Alladin and I’m an all-powerful genie helping you save the kingdom from an evil sorcerer.
Spelljammer:
Because these Sci Fi games are cutting into TSR’s bottom line and they’ve proven you’ll buy anything they publish.
Dark Sun:
Because even Evil DMs need some help coming up with new and unique ways to TPK.*
Yep, I just used TPK as a verb. Deal with it or I’ll make some rocks fall. – KO
Exalted:
Seriously, stop trying to fool us and just admit that you bought it for the cover art!
Panty Explosion:
’nuff said.